Since we are a world-famous blog, Gimorozo gets to try out all sorts of new, cutting-edge technology.  The latest trial product we received is the Samsung Time-Travel Phone.  It lets you call anyone in the past or future.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t work on the present.  To try it out, I decided to call myself from 15 years ago.  Below is the transcript from that conversation.

Past Me: Hello?
Present Me: Hey, what’s up?
Past Me: Who is this?
Present Me: It’s me!  Or you…I don’t know, it’s both of us.  That is to say, I’m you in the present, well, actually the future for you, I guess.
Past Me: What?  Is this Tim?
Present Me: No, this is you.  I’m calling from 15 years in the future.
Past Me: Sweet, is this for real?  So I’m working at some cool high-tech place, huh?
Present Me: No…not really.
Past Me: Oh.  So this technology is just used by everyone?  Sweet!  So, you are a marine biologist, huh?  Are you living in an underwater dome or something? That’s awesome!
Present Me: No, I–you never became a marine biologist.  Actually, in a few years, you’ll think that’s kinda dumb anyway.  I mean, who cares about fish, right?
Past Me: Great!  So I do become a paleontologist!  That’s what I really wanted to do, but I thought marine biologist sounded more practical.
Present Me: No…
Past Me: Secret agent?
Present Me: No.
Past Me: Yeah, right.  You probably just can’t tell me, right?  Cuz you’d have to kill me or whatever?
Present Me: No.  Not a secret agent, I–
Past Me: A writer?  Comic books?  Don’t tell me–I’ll bet I write and draw my own monthly series.  Who is it?  Is it U.F.O. [ed note: that stands for Unidentified Fighting Object--he was an alien who defended earth from stuff...]?  That is so cool!  Or is it the Elemental Team [ed note: they all had powers associated with the elements...hey, I was 10]  Mom said that was an unrealistic goal and I had to stay in school.  Ha!  We showed her, huh?
Present Me: No.
Past Me: Or–what?
Present Me: No!
Past Me: Well, then, what do you do?  Do you do anything cool?
Present Me: Well, I do write a blog…
Past Me: What’s that?  It sounds cool.  Pretty important stuff, huh?
Present Me: Actually, nobody reads it.  It’s really more of a hobby…
Past Me: Then what do you do for a living?  Anything?
Present Me: I, uh, I make lawnmowers.
Past Me: …
Present Me: Hello?  Are you still there?
Past Me: Yeah…look, I, uh…I gotta go do…something…
Present Me: Aw, c’mon man!  You just gonna blow me off?  You don’t wanna know something about the future?
Past Me: Like what!?  That I grow up to be a loser?  Way to make my day!
Present Me: Aw, c’mon, loser is kinda harsh, man…Hey, you know what?  Let me figure out the conference call on this thing and I’ll call future-us, ok?  We’ll see what we’re up to 15 years in the future.  That could be cool, right?  Ok, hold on…
Future Me: Who is this?
Present Me: Hey, dude!  It’s me and you!
Future Me: What?
Present Me: It’s you from 15 years ago and I’ve also got you from 30 years ago.  How sweet is that!  So…what’re you up to?
Future Me: Curses!  You’ve finally found a way into my mind!  But how?  I never drank the water!  How?
Present Me: Whoa, dude.  What are you talking about?  I’m you.  I didn’t get into your mind or whatever.  We’re cool, ok?
Future Me: Yeah?  Prove it.
Present Me: …how?
Future Me: If you were really me, you’d know how.
Past Me: Fifteen years ago, you were a dork who made lawnmowers.
Present Me: Hey!
Future Me: …Ok, I guess you are me.  But look, man, this isn’t really a great time, I mean…how’d you even get my number?  I’ve been living off the grid for years now…Oh, no–you’re working for them, aren’t you?
Present Me: Dude, I’m you.  Why would I be working against you?
Future Me: I can’t believe this.  Betrayed by myself.  Are you kidding me?  I betrayed myself?  What a jerk!
Past Me: Who’s “them?”  Am I a freaking criminal?  Are you serious?
Present Me: Nah, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation…right?
Future Me: Kind of…it’s hard to–What?!  Who’s there?  Ah!!!  They found me.  You did this!
Present Me: What?  No, I didn’t.
Future Me: You jerk–I don’t know what you did, but…[to someone in the room] You’ll never take me alive!  Agh!!!!
Present Me: Hello?
Future Me: [different voice on the phone--definitely not mine] We have destroyed your human compatriot.  Turn yourself in, Earthling!
Past Me: Are you aliens?
Future Me: Death to all humans…[phone goes dead]
Past Me: …
Present Me: Wow…hey, look, I’m sorry about that.  Wow.  That sucks.
Past Me: Yeah…look, I gotta go.  Um, don’t, uh, don’t call me again, ok?
Present Me: Yeah, I won’t.  That was a bad idea.  Sorry.  Look, uh, stay in school, ok?  And um…well, I guess I’ll see you later?

This phone sucks.  I definitely do not recommend it.