I am often stopped by total strangers in the street and asked, “Good sir, however could I achieve the level of manliness that you exude?”  And of course, I can’t possibly tell them all of my tips in a small amount of time.  The first step is to watch manly men do what they do best–kill stuff.  So, for your edification, I have developed this checklist of the 20 movies you must watch before you can call yourself a manly man.

These are in no particular order.  There’s about 42 hours of movies on this list, so you should have this cleared up by this time next week.  Have fun.

Die Hard - Bruce Willis.  Terrorists.  Guns.

Predator - “If it bleeds, we can kill it.”  Pretty much the manly credo.  Arnold versus a killer alien in the jungle.

Terminator 1 and 2 - I’m counting these as one entry because you have to see them both.

Conan the Barbarian - Yeah, another Arnold movie.  He is the undeniable manliest man to ever walk this earth.  Here he fights the voice of Darth Vader and punches out a camel.

Escape from New York - Sleazebag Snake Plisken goes into the prison that is New York City to save the President…and fight Isaac Hayes.

Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn - The first Evil Dead is a low-budget masterpiece in its own right, but the sequel is where you really get to see Bruce Campbell’s acting chops really shine (get it, “chops”?  Cuz he has a flippin’ chainsaw for a hand?).

First Blood - Stallone as a Viet Nam vet.  Not as much killing as the sequels (which you must see as well).

Blade - Half-vampire hunts full-blooded vampires.  Lots of blood and action.

Dawn of the Dead - Humanity versus the zombies.  In a mall.  And there’s a Hari Krishna zombie.

The Matrix - Whoa.

The Dark Knight - Ok, so Batman is probably the manliest man in the history of the universe and the Joker is the baddest badguy ever.  Awesome.

Saving Private Ryan - What, I can’t have a little realistic manliness every once in a while?

The Princess Bride - What’s that?  You say it’s a romantic comedy about a princess?  How about this–it’s got a freakin’ giant in it, a drunken sword fighter, AND a pirate who dresses like a ninja!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly - Clint Eastwood grimaces his way into the annals of mandom.

Napoleon Dynamite - “Whatever I feel like doing, gosh,” is our hero’s response to being asked what he’s doing today.  Yeah, that’s a pretty manly attitude.

They Live - Rowdy Roddy Piper versus aliens.  “I came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I’m all out of bubblegum.”

Delta Force - Chuck “the Beard” Norris kills terrorists and rides a freakin’ motorcycle through a window and kills more terrorists.  He’s an innovator, this movie came out long before it was popular to kill terrorists.

Master of the Flying Guillotine - One-armed boxer fights a bunch of random martial arts champions.

The Legend of Drunken Master - Jackie Chan’s meisterwerk.  It’s like watching a violent, hedonistic ballet.

Speed - Keanu on a bus with a bomb (whoa).

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Ok, so they’re not quite men, but they are ninjas and they love pizza–two of the greatest indicators of manliness.

Boondock Saints - Two brothers take on the Russian mob.  One guy gets a toilet to the head.