Just in case you ever think of doing something illegal and/or unhealthy, heed these words of wisdom from some of the greatest sages of our times:

And I’m throwing this final one in as a totally weird bonus.  If you won’t listen to the advice of a half-naked barbarian, a ghost-magician, and a totally hot blonde princess, then you have serious issues.

Geeks have become a hot commodity in the past few years.  We’re pretty simple, actually; but there are a few things you ought to know about us, especially if you are considering entering into a serious, long-lasting relationship.  So, for all of our non-geek, female readers out there, Gimorozo has compiled a list of 15 tips for dating a geek.

1. Yes, he takes this stuff very seriously.
2. Never confuse Star Trek for Star Wars.  If you don’t know the difference, it’s ok to say so, as long as you also present a recovery plan to correct your ignorance.
3. They’re not “toys” and they are definitely not “dolls.”  They are “action figures.”
4. Pull out a random Star Wars referrence every once in awhile.  But keep it to Episodes IV - VI…unless you’re ripping on the new trilogy.
5. Comic books are literature.
6. His mom doesn’t make him eat healthy.  You shouldn’t.
7. Don’t say that his Ninja Turtles pajamas are “cute;” that’s probably not what he’s going for.
8. It’s ok to say that our movies are vulgar/disgusting/goofy/boring.  We realize that.  That’s part of the appeal.  Just don’t say he’s creepy/weird/dorky because he likes them.
9. Make sure you remove any pocket protectors before ironing his shirts.
10. “Black Tie” can easily be interpreted as “The Three Stooges tie with the black background.”  Be more specific.
11. For every three romcoms you drag him to, you must attend one geek flick.  It’s only fair.
12. It’s ok to fake laugh at his jokes sometimes, it’ll make him feel better.  Just don’t be too obvious about it.
13. He will stare at your chest.  It’s a guy thing, really; geeks just don’t have as much practice being subtle about it.
14. He’s going to brag about holding hands with a real girl all over the blogosphere and message boards, so be prepared to see your name pop up on Google searches.
15. “Live long and prosper” and “May the force be with you” are the two greatest phrases in all of geekdom.  Memorize them, but use them only when you really mean it.  (Also, refer to #2 before using them).

We here at Gimorozo realize that it is incredibly hard to interact with those of the opposite sex.  However, we have compiled years of research and personal experience into 15 easy tips to attract and keep that special someone.  Here they are:

1. Bathe regularly.  Weekly does not count as regularly enough.
2. Don’t wear your Masters of the Universe t-shirt on your first date.  Yeah, I’m talking about the one you’ve had since high school with the pit stains in it.  We all think it’s awesome, but she won’t.  Actually, don’t wear it on any date, unless you want it to be your last one.
3. McDonald’s is not a date.
4. Don’t quote “Holy Grail” or “Napolean Dynamite” or any other hilarious movie.  She won’t get it.
5. If inviting a girl (or anyone, really) to your place, tidy up a little before hand.  This includes hiding your 1/8 scale Slave Leia statue.  I’m sure it’s the pride of your Star Wars collection, but it just sends the wrong message.
6. It’s ok to be close to your mom, girls find that kinda sexy cute.  Just don’t be creepy about it.
7. She might think it’s cute to pretend you’re a robot (on occasion); but it’s never cute to pretend you’re a flesh-eating zombie.
8. If she’s into foreign films, it’s ok to mention that Lucio Fulci is your favorite director.  You might even get points for knowing an Italian director that she’s never heard of.  But leave it at that.  There’s no need to mention that you love him because of the gut-munching zombies and copious amounts of T&A.  Girls aren’t into that.  At the same time, never try to over-intellectualize zombie movies; you’ll ruin it for the rest of us.
9. She only like robots because you do.  That’s ok.
10. Once a month she will turn into an crazy doppleganger of herself.  Rest assured, she has not been possessed by aliens or replaced with a cyborg killing machine from the future.  This transformation is completely normal and temporary.  Science is still looking for a cure.  Much like a lycanthrope, she may have no recollection of her rampage and the pain she inflicted while in her beastial stage.  You cannot understand this, but you are not alone.
11. Don’t be over-critical of her romantic comedies; you still watch cartoons.
12. If it gets to the point that she says “I love you,” do NOT, under any circumstances respond with “I know.”  She will not think that you’re a charming space rogue who can make the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs; she’ll think you’re an inconsiderate jerk.
13. Twin Ion Engines, warp coil, Death Stars, goombas, Mines of Moriah, rabbit hole, moons of Endor, and tribbles are not acceptable terms when referring to a woman’s body.  Likewise, light saber, Glamdring, battlestar, megabuster and Terminator are not acceptable when referring to yours.
14. She has absolutely no preference between Kirk and Picard.  Accept this.
15. Be man enough to apologize when you’re wrong; it’s ok to say, “I’m sorry.”  But never, ever apologize for your geekery.