I don’t usually do portraits of other people’s creations.  That being said, I wondered what Stewie Griffin from Family Guy would grow up to look like.  Well, this is what I came up with.

Not a bright looking future, huh?

This, my friends, is a terrifying before and after look at our protagonist as an optimistic, straight-out-of-college young man on his first day of work.  The other side of the cup shows this same man as a haggard, world-weary, 3-year veteran of that same job which he had been so happy to have at one point in his life.

On a more techincal side, this is another striking example of the artists “two-sided cup” technique.

Yes, even zombies need recreation.  Also, it helps them stay fit so that they can chase down the living.  Man, I hate the living…

This is a moving picture of a dead man with his dead dog on the corner of Dead Street and 42nd Avenue.  It’s summer.  The sun is blocked by clouds and to the east, a young man is discovering Nintendo for the first time.  And everything is leaning slightly.

You’ll notice that I used blue ink in this one.  I think the blue really accentuates the feelings of loss and suffering that this skeleton must have.  I think like all true art, this piece really leads the viewer to ask the hard questions: Why does this skeleton lover rock’n'roll?  What happened to his skin?  How can he manage to keep his head upright without muscles and sinews?  Are those spiky things on his skull hair?

There comes a time in the life of any website where they just stop trying.  We here at Gimorozo take great pride in the fact that we started at that point.  We are so far beyond not trying that we are actually quite actively trying to make your life miserable.  How else could you explain this?  It’s a picture of a duck with sunglasses.  It’s not funny.  It’s not well-drawn.  In fact, there are absolutely no redeeming qualities to this post.  It is a complete and utter waste of your time.

Ok, well, I believe I have accomplished my goal.

Ok, I’ll admit it: there is absolutely no quality control here at Gimorozo.  That’s how crap like this gets published.  Oh well.

What we have here is a pair of zombie greasers.  Why would someone draw such a thing?  Godzilla only knows.  And before you hit up the comments with factual errors like: “Hey, man, those sunglasses are totally mod.  A greaser wouldn’t be caught dead in them,” just let me say, “Shut up.  This is art, not history.  There is absolutely no law nor ordinance saying that art has to be accurate.”

Ok, there, I said it.  Yeah, I’m grouchy.  It’s 8:30 on a Saturday morning and I haven’t had any coffee yet.  And I was up all night working on the site redesign, but did you even notice?  No.  Do I get a “hey, Gimorozo, I like what you did with the place?”  No, I get crap from you about the inaccuracies of my zombie greasers wearing mod sunglasses. 

Don’t tell me to calm down!  I AM CALM!!!  THIS IS ME BEING CALM, OK?!  I YELL WHEN I’M CALM!!!  YOU WANNA SEE ME UNCALM?!?!  DO YA, PUNK?!?!  WELL, KEEP PUSHING MY BUTTONS AND–OH, NOW YOU’VE DONE IT!!!

Yes, Gimorozo does have friends (or at least poorly-paid actors) and these are them. 

This is a guest piece by none other than Evil David!  When he first showed it to me I was like, “Whoa, I didn’t realize you brought a camera to our annual Alliteration Day cook-out!”  And he was all, “No, it’s a drawing that I made…with my mind.”  And I was like, “No way.”  And he was like, “Way.”  So I said, “Can I have some flying cake.”  To which he responded, “Are you evil?”  And I said, “Yeah, kind of.”  And he was all like, “Oh, Yeah?  How evil?”  And I said, “Once I farted in church and blamed my mom.”  And he said, “No way.”  And I said, “Way.”  And he said, “Weigh?”  And I said, “No.  Way.”  To which he replied, “Whey?”  And I said, “NO!  Way.”  And he said, “So…no way?”  And really, how can you argue with that?

Click it for a larger view of this masterpiece.

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time.  ‘Cuz I’m a Rocket Robot!

Ah, yes, we all remember that classic tune.  Well now you can relive it with this exclusive, hand-numbered, limited edition Rocket Robot collector’s plate.  Just dial the number on your screen within the next 30 minutes and shipping is free!

What can I say?  Evil David loves his Evil Flying Cake.  And who doesn’t?  The only thing he loves more than being evil is baking.