“A shuriken is certainly an excellent instrument to fix a man’s attention and to inflame his ambition.” -President John “Don’t call me ‘Quincy’ or I’ll rip your arms off” Adams

John Adams was a prominent member of the first American ninja death brigade known as “The Founding Fathers.”  During the American Revolution, Adams killed 326 redcoats.  In one day.  With his bare teeth.  He was also instrumental in the writing and adoption of the Declaration of Independence, the document that declared the United States a “free and independent country for the advancement of Ninjaism and all Ninja-related activities.”

“Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! Like evil robots, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master.” -President George Washington

George Washington was a huge proponent of automating the US Army.  In fact, he is often credited with inventing the first pilot-less mecha.  It was steam-powered and not very efficient, but it did instill fear into the hearts of the invading Martian hordes.

“I am a success today because I had a giant space-turtle who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.” -President Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Lincoln is the first Kenny in recorded history.  Lincoln met Gamera at the age of 11 while he was still living in Illinois.  Years later, President Lincoln would call on his friend to help him.  Gamera was quite instrumental in the North’s campaign against the Confederacy during the American Civil War.  Most historians agree that without Gamera’s help, the South would have succeeded in seceding.

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a ninja.” - President John Quincy Adams

John Quincy Adams was the sixth president of the United States.  He was a former Mr. Universe champion and became a spokesman for Hanes underwear several years after his presidency.  He may have been a hobbit.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…and zombies eating our brains.” -President Franklin Delano Roosevelt

FDR delivered this famous quote in his first inaugaral address in 1933.  America was in the clutches of the Great Depression and zombiism was running rampant throughout the Dust Bowl.