Look, let’s be honest here: we all know that I’m an expert on movies and ninjas and women. BUT, what few realize is that I’m also an expert of freakin’ rock and roll. It’s true, I got my masters in rock from the School of MY FIST IN YOUR FACE, so step off, buddy.
Anyway, I’m here to tell you about Mastodon’s latest and greatest album Crack the Skye. Apparently, they spent all of their money on drugs and guitars and couldn’t afford an intern to check the spelling on the cover of the CD, oh well.
Anyway, it’s got cool art with like two twin kings barfing light at each other while a bear wrestles with the earth. Cool. Metal.
The music is pretty rad too. It’s supposed to be some sort of concept album about a psychic in a wheelchair or something. I don’t really know. The music is awesome, but not as heavy as some of their older stuff. Except for the title track which has growling vocals and double bass pedal. My mom hates that song because it sounds like devil music or something.
Anyway, highly recommended if you’re tired of listening to all of your Backstreet Boys albums and want to become a real man. But if not, that’s fine too, just don’t talk to me any more. I only talk to my fellow metal-heads.
Watch this video and be blown away. I hate rap, but this song is pretty much mind-blowing. Probably because it has a “ranger,” “wizard,” and “dark elf.” It’s about LARPing. If you don’t know what that is, you’re probably a better man than I.
It has a couple crude moments, but really, who hasn’t pretended that their sword is an…extension of themself before?
Leonard Nimoy (that’s Mr. Spock, to you) singing “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins,” a song about everyone’s favorite hobbit. You want to tell me what’s geekier than that? Nothing. That’s what.
What we have here is a video of an incredibly attractive young man pouring out his heart and soul into a moving rendition of the epic theme song to that classic of American television known as “Charles in Charge.” Watch it and shed a tear at the sheer beauty.
No, this is not an amateur video like you’re thinking. It’s a video for the song Amateur by Molotov. It meets all of Gimorozo’s requirements to be certified awesome. I’m not sure what those requirements are, but I’ll bet they’re stringent. Anyway, it’s like Rocky compressed into 4 and a half minutes of pure rock gold. Enjoy.
Ok, so I take back everything bad I may or may not have said about Microsoft Songsmith. This is officially the best computer program ever. Somebody with the somewhat dubious name of “azz100c” (probably Ian’s mom) has seemingly unlimited access to many, many vocal tracks from various classic songs. Mr. (or Mrs.) azz has generously decided to run said vocal tracks through Microsoft’s latest abomination creation and unleash them on the world.
Here are our favorites. Also, please forgive me if this post is disjointed and rambling; I am currently listening to these great songs as I type and I must admit: they’re kind of blowing my mind.
Everybody knows that geeks rock out harder than “normal” people. So, with this new feature, Gimorozo hopes to chronicle the best that Geek Rock has to offer.
We’re going to kick things off with the Number 1 Geek Rock song of all time: Mr. Roboto.
Artist: Styx Released: 1983 Album: Kilroy Was Here Geek Credentials:It’s about freakin’ robots! The chorus is in Japanese and everyone knows that Japan is the Mecca of all geekdom. Vocoder and synths are played throughout. The robots in the video were designed by Stan Winston. It’s from a concept album by a band that named themselves after the mythological river that forms the boundary between the land of the living and the land of the dead. Seriously, how much geekier could this get? Best Line: “My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM” Geek Factor (out of 10): 10 Overall Rating (out of 10): 10
The awesomeness of Mr. Roboto is enough to drive one to tears. Geekdom is so beautifully represented in these 5 minutes and 34 seconds that I doubt there is anything I can add. However, I shall show you why this is the number one geek rock song of all time. Come, sail away with me to a dark future where rock and roll is dead and the Majority for Musical Morality rules.
Mr. Roboto is the opening track to Styx’s (Styx’?) rock opera Kilroy Was Here. The album tells the story of a young man whose name is Robert Orin Charles Kilroy, which oh-so-cleverly forms the acronym “ROCK.” Blind chance? Or fate? Anyway, young Kilroy is in jail for rock and roll (it’s the future, after all) and escapes by wearing a robot disguise…a Mr. Roboto disguise, that is! Talk about a concept we can all relate to.
But, pure, unadulterated geekiness does not a perfect song make. Knowing this, Dennis DeYoung wrapped his convoluted burrito of sci-fi awesomeness in a scrumptuous tortilla of catchy melodies and covered it all in a salsa of SYNTH MADNESS! I bet you couldn’t find one person, geek or non-geek, who can’t sing the opening lines of this song to you. And if that’s not a testiment of the glorious power of this song, I don’t know what is.
Please excuse the advertisement at the beginning of this video…it is decidedly unmanly and I apologize.
Big surprise here: Microsoft is the one pulling the trigger in the most egregious assassination in history. Yes, Songsmith will allow you–YOU–to make beautiful music even (especially?) if you have absolutely no musical talent or skill! Haha, take THAT John and Paul!
Go ahead and watch the video/commercial. I dare you. It’s awful. The actors make me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty spork and shove them into my ears so I won’t have to see or hear them…I probably should have just closed down the browser before I took such drastic measures…Oh well. These people could be selling robotic-ninja-dragons and I wouldn’t buy them based on the acting alone. I can’t decide who is more embarrassingly annoying in this commercial, but I think it’s a tie between everybody involved.
And just think: somewhere, somebody who gets paid waaay more than you or me ok’d this video for public consumption. If that doesn’t prove the existence of the devil, I don’t know what does.
Ugh.
P.S. This travesty doesn’t make me hate Apple any less.
This may well be the best music video ever. It is a five minute montage of people getting hit in the face and having things broken on their head. And the song is pretty good to boot.
If (for some obscene reason) you can’t sit through five minutes of Spanish-sung wanton violence against people (and pigs!), then you owe it to yourself to at least fast forward to the four minute mark. I won’t ruin it for you, but I will tell you that we love cephalopods here at Gimorozo.
