Transmorphers is another classic from The Asylum. It’s an amalgamation of Terminator, Star Wars, The Matrix, and (obviously) Transformers. It is basically all the awesomeness of those series raised to the power of infinity.
Actually, it’s not that good. I had to watch it in two sittings. But that’s probably because it was too rad for my brain to handle all at once. The story focuses on a bunch of humans living underground and fighting a group of alien robots that apparently came out of a Playstation 2. The humans have advanced weaponry made out of PVC and spray paint and have much better aim than the machines. In fact, it made me wonder why they didn’t just initiate a full frontal attack centuries ago, but who am I to judge? It does have a mildly surprising twist.
As a side note: apparently cows thrive underground. Humanity has been living underground for hundreds of years, yet all of the characters are clothed in brand-new black leather jackets.
The acting ranges from awful to passable and the storyline is carved out of Swiss cheese. That’s a clever metaphor simbolizing that it is cheesy and full of holes. I am pretty clever. I once told someone I was like a ninja, but that wasn’t a metaphor. It’s the truth. I once killed a whole army of KGB cyborgs with a frisbee and a can of hairspray. But that’s neither here nor there. What is here AND there is the trailer for this mess masterpiece.
Last night, Mrs. Gimo brought back a movie from the RedBox. She was so excited because she knew it was a movie I would like to see. And she was right, but for the wrong reasons. The movie? The Day the Earth Stopped NOT starring Keanu Reeves. This gem of a movie is one of many exceedingly low budget attempts to capitalize on a blockbuster movie. The studio in question is The Asylum and they apparently make a lot of bank duping the well-meaning wives of movie geeks the world over. A random sampling of their other movies: Transmorphers, The 18 Year Old Virgin, 100 Million BC, AVH: Alien vs. Hunter, Snakes on a Train…the list goes on.
Click the jump for more on this classy film. (more…)
I was a bit unsure how to categorize this masterpiece. It is a self-portrait on a styrofoam canvas! This is almost as exciting as those wacky Amalgam comics–Wolverine mixed with Batman!?!? That’s crazy!
Anyway, this is more-or-less how I feel after a day at work. After doing rourtine, automatonesque busywork I am depressed, angry, and have pit-stains. I also lost a tooth.
Also, I got a new camera, so these things should start coming out a lot better (picture-wise…not art-wise).
Hi. I like monsters. I like commercials starring monsters. Some of my favorite monster-based commercials are from the good people at Jack Links Beef Jerky. When you say their name ( and you should ) try to sound like one of the Duke boys jumping a ravine in the General Lee escaping from the likes of mean ol’ Boss Hog and the incompetent law enforcement of Hazzard county. There is a company website and if you have not seen it yet click the following link: Messin with Sasquatch. It includes all of the TV spots as well as web-only content. Yes. I am selling out.
Another favorite commercial is for Pepto Max. It has a catchy theme song and stunning visuals. According to the commercial, “Pepto Max is maximum pink.” I checked IMDB and “Maximum Pink: the movie” does not exist. There was nothing naughty or nice. Though it is only a matter of time.
The appeal of this commercial is that it encompasses 2/3 of the GIMOROZO triumvirate of evil — Giant Monsters and Robots. If Zombies were involved this would be the perfect commercial. In fact, the Pepto people should consider using Zombies in an upcoming ad campaign. Email me. I got tons of ideas. It can be done tastefully. Everything could be acted out with puppets. Puppets are harmless…if you ignore the following movies:
Dolls
Puppetmaster Series (Full Moon Entertainment not the Heinlein one)
Any of the Child’s Play series
Meet the Feebles
Additional movies about demonic puppets or evil dolls.
I mentioned the Dukes of Hazzard above, so I feel the need to add the following words of caution. Do not watch “Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning.” My sister’s dog committed SEPPUKU after watching this garbage. This shit will kill you. It even made Netflix sick. You were warned.
Last night, Mrs. Gimo brought back a movie from the RedBox. She was so excited because she knew it was a movie I would like to see. And she was right, but for the wrong reasons. The movie? The Day the Earth Stopped NOT starring Keanu Reeves. This gem of a movie is one of many exceedingly low budget attempts to capitalize on a blockbuster movie. The studio in question is The Asylum and they apparently make a lot of bank duping the well-meaning wives of movie geeks the world over. A random sampling of their other movies: Transmorphers, The 18 Year Old Virgin, 100 Million BC, AVH: Alien vs. Hunter, Snakes on a Train…the list goes on.
